Ribbons (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
bronze_ribbons) wrote2010-01-13 12:44 am
bronze_ribbons) wrote2010-01-13 12:44 am
notes and tropes
Notes:
• I had no idea that Nashville was in the running as a potential World Cup site. Sweet!
• There be plastinated corpses at a mall a few miles from my house. Coolness…
• Writing: nothing but false starts and I-don't-know-enough-to-continue-these-right-now on the things I'm supposed to be working on. Bah!
• Homemade cinnamon red-bean paste: disgusting-looking, but also tasty and filling
• I am going to nail that damn high F this Sunday
So, that "tropes I've written" meme I've seen at Rowan's and schemingreader's?
First reaction: "Mpreg: would my drabbles with Squillows count? No? Hmph."
Second reaction: "Curtain fic: do my drabbles with kitchen sinks and dining-room-table sex count? No? Hmph."
Follow-up reaction: "Self, if you really want to be able to answer 'yes' to all these, you just need to write yourself some new fic. Like, now."
So, here goes:
Genderswap: "How odd," Sprout murmured. "This is the first year I've ever seen female catkins on that tree."
Bodyswap: "Albus Severus, when I told you to 'make like a tree and leave,' this was not what I had in mind."
Drunk!fic: "James, I told you pouring Firewhiskey on the roots was asking for trouble."
Huddling together for warmth: Still shivering, Teddy pressed closer to the gigantic gnarled root behind his shoulders, pretending that it was the arm of someone who would never let him go.
Undercover in a gay bar: "Oh, that? Animated rubber tree. It's the head bartender's idea of a joke. She's a real witch. No, I actually don't mean the kind that starts with a b."
Pretending to be married: "You know, it's weird to see the Willow here in Salem. I'd always assumed that it was inseparable from Hogwarts."
Secretly a virgin: "I had no idea the tree was supposed to be in bloom. I didn't even know magical trees could be male or female!"
Amnesia: "I even tried putting some of the leaves into a Pensieve, and I got a turtledove animagus to interrogate -- I mean, chat -- with some of the sparrows, but no luck: we still don't know how that damn body ended up in the branches."
Cross-dressing: "Miss Momokuri, the cherry blossoms are very pretty, but when all is said and done, it's still a Whomping Willow."
Forced to share a bed: "Look," Neville said to the tree, "I know it's not nice to uproot you like this, but even with the best horticulturzards on the case, it's still going to be months before we finish de-poisoning the acre you were on. The mud in the lake-bed will be good for you, and I've heard the Squid gives good root-rubs."
Aliens made them do it: Three months later, Luna patiently explained to Neville, "Darling, those hot Japanese actors that were stranded here overnight? Overhearing them made everyone want to have sex, including us. You weren't complaining about the way I was rubbing your root…"
Wingfic: "Merlin, it looks like a giant pillow exploded here." "Yes, well, that's what happens when someone decides to cross-breed a Whomping Willow with a hippogriff."
Mpreg: "That tree should not have that kind of bulge going on. Just saying."
Mistakenly assumed to be gay: "You know how everyone thought that the Tree had a thing going on with Snape? Well, I was out that way yesterday, and it was cuddling with Aunt Victoire." [Link is to the Nancy Drew/HP crossover Swooop wrote for me a couple years ago. Snape ends up with another character, mind…]
Let's play truth or dare: "Okay, Tree, here's how we gonna do this. *hic* We gots a giant stuffed pumpkin here. I ask you a question, you whack the pumpkin once for 'no,' twice for 'yes,' and a buncha times for 'hells yeah.' Got that? … Now, were you and Snape ever doing it? … Hah, thought so."
Mary Sue fic: The shining lengths of bronze ribbon draped about the limbs of the tree remained impossibly, elegantly immaculate, wholly unaffected by the vicious storms that had battered the entirety of Scotland the night before.
Aphrodisiacs: "What a fine day for a picnic. Here's a thermos of willow tea, a bento box containing asparagus maki and oyster tempura, and a Hello Kitty tin of strawberry-flavored lube."
Curtain fic: "Ron, just what are those curtain rods carved out of…? Oh. No wonder the fabric keeps shredding up."
Hurt/Comfort: "I know, I know," Neville crooned to the tree. "It's nasty stuff, but I've got to keep soaking your roots with it for another three weeks."
Apocalypse fic: As the sky turned black, Harry rubbed himself even more frantically against the bark.
Someone has a baby: Yoshizumi cheerfully changed the subject by asking, "Have you seen the Whomping Sakura that Katou and Iwaki have adopted? It's so cute it's almost nauseating!"
Telepathic soulbonding: [So, you newer-to-Snupin readers? There's a Willow!Snape/Squid!Lupin telepathic BDSM that was written for me ~ four years ago and is well worth your time. (Btw, the same fic also has eggplant!Snape/carrot!Lupin porn in an earlier part.)] … Minerva mused, "There isn't a wizard alive who can calm that tree down without touching its knot. That Mr. Bunter was able to do so -- there must be something extraordinary connecting them."
Werewolves mate for life: "That tree has never been the same since Mr. Lupin died."
Tentacle!sex: "See, first you let the tentacles lube you up, and then you head over to the tree for the bloodplay."
Sex-magic: "Harry, you were with the Willow last night, weren't you. I have no idea why the rosebushes always perk up when you two get it on, but they do."
Magical healing dick/vagina: "Quick, press those stamens against the cuts! Once he stops bleeding, we can Levitate him to the Infirmary…"
;-)
• I had no idea that Nashville was in the running as a potential World Cup site. Sweet!
• There be plastinated corpses at a mall a few miles from my house. Coolness…
• Writing: nothing but false starts and I-don't-know-enough-to-continue-these-right-now on the things I'm supposed to be working on. Bah!
• Homemade cinnamon red-bean paste: disgusting-looking, but also tasty and filling
• I am going to nail that damn high F this Sunday
So, that "tropes I've written" meme I've seen at Rowan's and schemingreader's?
First reaction: "Mpreg: would my drabbles with Squillows count? No? Hmph."
Second reaction: "Curtain fic: do my drabbles with kitchen sinks and dining-room-table sex count? No? Hmph."
Follow-up reaction: "Self, if you really want to be able to answer 'yes' to all these, you just need to write yourself some new fic. Like, now."
So, here goes:
Genderswap: "How odd," Sprout murmured. "This is the first year I've ever seen female catkins on that tree."
Bodyswap: "Albus Severus, when I told you to 'make like a tree and leave,' this was not what I had in mind."
Drunk!fic: "James, I told you pouring Firewhiskey on the roots was asking for trouble."
Huddling together for warmth: Still shivering, Teddy pressed closer to the gigantic gnarled root behind his shoulders, pretending that it was the arm of someone who would never let him go.
Undercover in a gay bar: "Oh, that? Animated rubber tree. It's the head bartender's idea of a joke. She's a real witch. No, I actually don't mean the kind that starts with a b."
Pretending to be married: "You know, it's weird to see the Willow here in Salem. I'd always assumed that it was inseparable from Hogwarts."
Secretly a virgin: "I had no idea the tree was supposed to be in bloom. I didn't even know magical trees could be male or female!"
Amnesia: "I even tried putting some of the leaves into a Pensieve, and I got a turtledove animagus to interrogate -- I mean, chat -- with some of the sparrows, but no luck: we still don't know how that damn body ended up in the branches."
Cross-dressing: "Miss Momokuri, the cherry blossoms are very pretty, but when all is said and done, it's still a Whomping Willow."
Forced to share a bed: "Look," Neville said to the tree, "I know it's not nice to uproot you like this, but even with the best horticulturzards on the case, it's still going to be months before we finish de-poisoning the acre you were on. The mud in the lake-bed will be good for you, and I've heard the Squid gives good root-rubs."
Aliens made them do it: Three months later, Luna patiently explained to Neville, "Darling, those hot Japanese actors that were stranded here overnight? Overhearing them made everyone want to have sex, including us. You weren't complaining about the way I was rubbing your root…"
Wingfic: "Merlin, it looks like a giant pillow exploded here." "Yes, well, that's what happens when someone decides to cross-breed a Whomping Willow with a hippogriff."
Mpreg: "That tree should not have that kind of bulge going on. Just saying."
Mistakenly assumed to be gay: "You know how everyone thought that the Tree had a thing going on with Snape? Well, I was out that way yesterday, and it was cuddling with Aunt Victoire." [Link is to the Nancy Drew/HP crossover Swooop wrote for me a couple years ago. Snape ends up with another character, mind…]
Let's play truth or dare: "Okay, Tree, here's how we gonna do this. *hic* We gots a giant stuffed pumpkin here. I ask you a question, you whack the pumpkin once for 'no,' twice for 'yes,' and a buncha times for 'hells yeah.' Got that? … Now, were you and Snape ever doing it? … Hah, thought so."
Mary Sue fic: The shining lengths of bronze ribbon draped about the limbs of the tree remained impossibly, elegantly immaculate, wholly unaffected by the vicious storms that had battered the entirety of Scotland the night before.
Aphrodisiacs: "What a fine day for a picnic. Here's a thermos of willow tea, a bento box containing asparagus maki and oyster tempura, and a Hello Kitty tin of strawberry-flavored lube."
Curtain fic: "Ron, just what are those curtain rods carved out of…? Oh. No wonder the fabric keeps shredding up."
Hurt/Comfort: "I know, I know," Neville crooned to the tree. "It's nasty stuff, but I've got to keep soaking your roots with it for another three weeks."
Apocalypse fic: As the sky turned black, Harry rubbed himself even more frantically against the bark.
Someone has a baby: Yoshizumi cheerfully changed the subject by asking, "Have you seen the Whomping Sakura that Katou and Iwaki have adopted? It's so cute it's almost nauseating!"
Telepathic soulbonding: [So, you newer-to-Snupin readers? There's a Willow!Snape/Squid!Lupin telepathic BDSM that was written for me ~ four years ago and is well worth your time. (Btw, the same fic also has eggplant!Snape/carrot!Lupin porn in an earlier part.)] … Minerva mused, "There isn't a wizard alive who can calm that tree down without touching its knot. That Mr. Bunter was able to do so -- there must be something extraordinary connecting them."
Werewolves mate for life: "That tree has never been the same since Mr. Lupin died."
Tentacle!sex: "See, first you let the tentacles lube you up, and then you head over to the tree for the bloodplay."
Sex-magic: "Harry, you were with the Willow last night, weren't you. I have no idea why the rosebushes always perk up when you two get it on, but they do."
Magical healing dick/vagina: "Quick, press those stamens against the cuts! Once he stops bleeding, we can Levitate him to the Infirmary…"
;-)