the water chestnuts in my stir-fry

In the workshop I took with him a couple years ago, Billy Collins often talked about whether a poem we were critiquing had been "cooked" enough. I often think of writing in cooking terms, because there are so many potential ingredients and so many variables involved in whether a story ends up satisfying someone's taste, as it were.

Last week, it dawned on me that who Rowling really reminds me of is Christopher Stasheff: they both have a knack for coming up with characters that I adore, but their plot execution and writing style, not so much. Seeing characters as separate from their characterisations probably sounds daft at face value, but here's a food analogy: I like yogurt in general, but there are dozens of varieties of yogurt. I personally dislike runny yogurt or yogurt flavored with artificial sweeteners. I eat Greek Gods yogurt without adding sugar or honey, but not Dannon or Kroger. I use Dannon as a substitute for sour cream at times, but would never dream of squandering Brown Cow in the same manner. (Back to literature: some authors lend themselves to fic and crossovers. Others, not so much.) And, of course, my partner and many of my friends prefer different brands and textures (he found the Greek Gods honey or pomegranate yogurt "weird").

With Rowling, Stasheff, and L.M. Montgomery, one of the ingredients that prevents me from wholly buying into their worlds is clunkily-handled dialogue. It's like nuts in carrot cake or celery in chicken salad, I think -- if you don't mind the ingredient, it's not likely to stand out, but if you happen to loathe it, it's not not-noticeable, and it can either give the food an iffy texture (where you eat it anyway with a slightly furrowed brow) or make you despise it entirely or painstakingly pick out just the bits you like while others happily queue up for seconds and thirds (I don't have to spell out the fandom-DH analogy here, ja?).

In my case, I've been told on several occasions that dialogue is one of my strong points as a writer, so that's likely why clunky dialogue makes me grind my teeth. Here are three examples of character-speak that probably didn't bother the majority of readers, but are water chestnuts in my stir-fry when it comes to these authors:

( from DH )

( Stasheff - spoiler cut )

( Montgomery - spoiler cut )

Now, to be fair, Stasheff and Montgomery both have moments that resonate with me deeply enough for me to reread them happily.

( more spoilers )

With Rowling, I confess I don't reread canon except when working on fic or lesson plans...but my folder of comfort fics and favorite RPG scenes is very fat indeed.