the water chestnuts in my stir-fry

[bronze_ribbons]

In the workshop I took with him a couple years ago, Billy Collins often talked about whether a poem we were critiquing had been "cooked" enough. I often think of writing in cooking terms, because there are so many potential ingredients and so many variables involved in whether a story ends up satisfying someone's taste, as it were.

Last week, it dawned on me that who Rowling really reminds me of is Christopher Stasheff: they both have a knack for coming up with characters that I adore, but their plot execution and writing style, not so much. Seeing characters as separate from their characterisations probably sounds daft at face value, but here's a food analogy: I like yogurt in general, but there are dozens of varieties of yogurt. I personally dislike runny yogurt or yogurt flavored with artificial sweeteners. I eat Greek Gods yogurt without adding sugar or honey, but not Dannon or Kroger. I use Dannon as a substitute for sour cream at times, but would never dream of squandering Brown Cow in the same manner. (Back to literature: some authors lend themselves to fic and crossovers. Others, not so much.) And, of course, my partner and many of my friends prefer different brands and textures (he found the Greek Gods honey or pomegranate yogurt "weird").

With Rowling, Stasheff, and L.M. Montgomery, one of the ingredients that prevents me from wholly buying into their worlds is clunkily-handled dialogue. It's like nuts in carrot cake or celery in chicken salad, I think -- if you don't mind the ingredient, it's not likely to stand out, but if you happen to loathe it, it's not not-noticeable, and it can either give the food an iffy texture (where you eat it anyway with a slightly furrowed brow) or make you despise it entirely or painstakingly pick out just the bits you like while others happily queue up for seconds and thirds (I don't have to spell out the fandom-DH analogy here, ja?).

In my case, I've been told on several occasions that dialogue is one of my strong points as a writer, so that's likely why clunky dialogue makes me grind my teeth. Here are three examples of character-speak that probably didn't bother the majority of readers, but are water chestnuts in my stir-fry when it comes to these authors:


From DH:

"It is I, Remus John Lupin!" called a voice over the howling wind. Harry experienced a thrill of fear; what had happened? "I am a werewolf, married to Nymphadora Tonks, and you, the Secret-Keeper of Shell Cottage, told me the address and bade me come in an emergency!"

There are so many things I do not like about this paragraph, but the killer is "bade me come," which automatically elicits from me an "oh, come on!"


In Stasheff's The Warlock's Last Ride, two characters have been discussing how they've hidden their feelings from each other so as to not spook each other's demons. The man says that "as to being repressed and frustrated, I most certainly am -- but I will continue to be so, as long as that is what you need from me."

The woman responds, "That's not what I need from you any longer. I need the final stage of healing now."

Mr. Stasheff, I wish you had remembered that you were dramatizing an action fantasy rather than a self-help manual.




Montgomery's Anne of the Island is one of my two favorites in the series (the other being House of Dreams), but there's a line I have fervently hated ever since I first read it:

Let's resolve to keep this day sacred to perfect beauty all our lives for the gift it has given us.

First, it's poorly constructed: I invariably have to reread it to parse it properly. Second, it's trite - it's a worthy sentiment, but adds nothing to the scene in which it is uttered. Third, I just don't believe the non-pretentious, relatively grounded character in question would say such words aloud. *clutches head*



Now, to be fair, Stasheff and Montgomery both have moments that resonate with me deeply enough for me to reread them happily.


For instance, there's another scene in Warlock's Last Ride that makes me melt:

"Trust him, lady."
Turning, [the lady] found [the warrior] gazing down at her -- but the grave look he gave her was full of sympathy, not emnity. "Those of us who think ourselves unfit for love must look now and then at truth."

In Anne of the Island, the scene where character A finds out character B is deathly ill is well-constructed up to the point character A goes to their room. (Then it goes a bit histrionic for my taste, but one could argue that the styling accurately conveys character A's state of mind, so I'm not really complaining.)

With Rowling, I confess I don't reread canon except when working on fic or lesson plans...but my folder of comfort fics and favorite RPG scenes is very fat indeed.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

Oh my goodness, that bit of Rowling is bad! Leaving aside the issue of "It is I, Remus John Lupin" reminding me of the catchphrase "It is I, Leclerc", in 'Allo 'Allo, I guarantee that anyone who ever did say "bade me come" did not follow it with the modern "in an emergency", but "in time of dire need".

nineveh_uk

[bronze_ribbons.insanejournal.com]

I guarantee that anyone who ever did say "bade me come" did not follow it with the modern "in an emergency", but "in time of dire need".

...and your ability to make these distinctions is one of the many reasons I fangirl you. :-)

[(Anonymous)]

You however deserve no fangirling whatsoever for destroying my ability to read that chapter of DH just when I was thinking I needed a second pass at it:-) It also occurs to me that it is a rubbish line because it's hardly something that couldn't be said by someone who was pretending to be the man in question (unlike "Mollywobbles").

[ellid.insanejournal.com]

That sentence from DH is so utterly, irredeemably horrible that I'm tempted to have Snape needle Lupin about it in "War Wounds." It's the sort of writing that would have been overblown and melodramatic in Varney the Vampire; or, the Feast of Blood, let alone someone writing in the early 21st century.

As for Montgomery...I'm willing to cut her some slack in regards to her style simply because she was writing late Victorian popular fiction. Same thing with Baroness Orczy, H. Rider Haggard, and Anthony Hope. Not one of them could get their books into print without massive rewrites today, but they wrote and were popular pre-Hemingway.

Rowling, though - no excuse. None. I also think her editors should be taken out and flogged for perpetrating atrocities like "IT IS I!!!!" on the adoring public.

[bronze_ribbons.insanejournal.com]

Er... speaking as a professional editor, I can't help flinching when folks condemn editors for an author's failings (of which there's understandably been a lot in the wake of DH, so it's not just your comment sparking my lament here). I do see it as my job to point out to authors where I think they could do better, but it's not my job to make them agree with me, and I don't always manage to persuade them it's in their best interests to do so.

An editor can't and shouldn't convert dross into gold, and most project budgets don't allow that kind of involvement anyhow (I'm paid only to make suggestions, not to perform alchemy), and when in doubt, it's incumbent on me to leave the author's "voice" alone. So much as I personally dislike the "It is I" constructs in both HBP and DH, I can actually understand JKR's editors choosing to regard them as authorial stylings and leaving them alone. I can't swear I wouldn't have done the same -- there are plenty of sentences in publications I've worked on where I've had to resist the temptation to rewrite what's there instead of merely to edit (and it's something I have guard against constantly when I edit or beta, since I do have a strong, distinct authorial voice that's very me -- and thus inappropriate to impose on other writers). So, as far as I'm concerned, it's ultimately the author's responsibility to find and accept the editing (s)he needs, especially given that (s)he generally gets all the credit when everything goes well. ;-)

[ellid.insanejournal.com]

Point taken. I've also heard rumors that Rowling pretty much refuses to be edited these days. I can easily believe them.

[innerslytherin.insanejournal.com]

Really? Ugh. Speaking as someone who knows and deeply appreciates the value of a good editor/beta-reader, I have absolutely no respect for people who refuse to be edited. I stopped reading Anne Rice years ago because Queen of the Damned lost my interest on three separate attempts, but the minute I learned she refused to be edited, I would have stopped reading even if I loved her to pieces.

[bronze_ribbons.insanejournal.com]

Well, FWIW, her own editors have said that's not so. For instance,

http://www.accio-quote.org/articles/2005/0705-usatoday-mccauley.htm
http://www.ew.com/ew/article/0,,20048226,00.html

Mind, I'm not necessarily defending the book -- or anyone involved with it -- although part of the reason I'm striving to characterize my reactions in terms of taste rather than judgment is because many intelligent people of my acquaintance were happy with the whole thing as is (and also because I'm somewhat infamous among my circles for overanalyzing everything -- there was a musical production of Dracula where my companion turned to me and basically said, "Could you stop picking this apart so I can enjoy it?" *sheepish*).

Knowing an author refused to be edited wouldn't be a deal-breaker for me in itself -- I'm with you in considering it a character flaw, but there are plenty of artists whose work I've found compelling and worth my time in spite of their personal conduct and/or opinions. That said, if I happen to know that I disagree with an author's politics or attitudes, I am judgmental enough that I'm unlikely to spending any money on their work -- especially given that my budget doesn't cover all the authors and musicians and causes I do want to support. :-/

[innerslytherin.insanejournal.com]

Well, at least she hasn't succumbed to that flaw. It still doesn't mean I'm a huge fan of DH, though. ^_~ I understand what you mean about overanalyzing things. *grin* But then a lot of us do that...

[innerslytherin.insanejournal.com]

Oh man, I absolutely CRACKED UP when I read that passage in DH. I was like, "Um, no, Remus wouldn't say that. It sounds too stupid." Then again, I had already realised, hundreds of pages earlier, that MY Remus was not populating the pages of that book. It was some fake Remus she'd pulled out of a hat to fit a contrived situation.

*cough*

I can't remember, who says that line in Anne of the Island? Because if it were Anne, it would be utterly in character, but from what you said, it can't be Anne. Diana? Gilbert? *snerk* You're right, I can't imagine Gilbert saying that.

[summerborn.insanejournal.com]

This is a fascinating way to look at writing - as with food, some writers are better with certain elements, and everyone is different when it comes to what weaknesses they overlook and what really stands out (for me, it is raisins in cookies - do not want!). From the other side, I have trouble when it comes to identifying what I do well as a writer (it's certainly not dialogue). If anything, I feel I have a pretty good sense of when to start a scene, and to a lesser extent of beginnings and endings in general. And yes, "All was well" grated like raisins in oatmeal cookies. Ugh.